The other day I was working at my favorite coffee shop. I was doing some editing, and I had worship music playing in the background. A song called Heavenly Places came on. It is a beautiful song about identity and I had heard it a hundred times. This time, however, Holy Spirit showed up. I sat there as the tenderness of God invaded my heart like a hurricane. It was as if the words to the song were scripted specifically for me, in the intensity of that moment. I saw Jesus standing behind me, resting His hands on my shoulders. It was as if He were whispering the words into my ears. I listened to the Truth about how God sees me and how much He loves me, and I was just undone. I started bawling, right there in the middle of the coffee shop. It must have been an interesting sight to behold, and I am surprised someone did not come check on me to see if I was okay. When I lifted my head from my folded arms to take a breath, I realized there was a puddle of tears. Literally. A puddle.
Here is why I was so affected by what He was speaking over me. I am really hard on myself. I never let up. I constantly want to grow, change, and improve. This may sound noble, but it simply comes down to perfectionism. I see how I am. I see who I want to be. The discrepancy between the two seems unchangeable. I get so frustrated with myself when I see all of the ways I need to change. So much of my disappointment is stemmed in what I assume God thinks about me and my shortcomings. If I am so frustrated, I simply assumed that God must be frustrated as well. How could He not be? I have been a Christian for eight years now. Shouldn’t I have a stronger understanding of my identity? Shouldn’t I be less selfish? Shouldn’t I be more free from anxiety and fear? Shouldn’t I have stopped worrying and obsessing about my future by now? Yeah, I probably should. But it doesn’t change the way He sees me. He sees someone so different when He looks at me.
If what really matters is what He sees, then everything else does not really matter.
The pressure I put on myself to perform or reach some level of spirituality melts away when the reality of who I am to Him sinks in.
There is not room for both inferiority and perfect love. One outweighs the other. I want love to win. His love.
Perfectionism loses its hold when I choose to walk in the acceptance of the Savior. He is not some harsh judge, keeping a list of all of the ways I do not measure up.
That is the law, not the gospel, and it is not what Jesus died for. He died to break the power of sin, and release grace over my life.
He is not a critic, He is a Father. A good one. I am seated next to Him in the Heavenly places. Right there, next to Jesus. And He has given me every spiritual blessing.
I am seeing that He does not see what I see. And I do not have to be ashamed of where I am, because I am exactly where He wants me to be. He has been preparing me for what is to come, and I am ready for all that Jesus wants to be for me. It is His thoughts toward me that matter. And He thinks I am pretty great.
p.s. You should really listen to that song Click here